we smoke my Camels down to the filters
drop them carelessly wherever.
i lean in close, careful not to blow smoke in your face
tell you that i’ve got some problems too
but i don’t think that’s what you wanted to hear.
i heard about this place where it’s warm all year
it hardly ever rains and the leaves never change
maybe that story would interest you
but maybe not, sometimes it’s hard to tell
what’s okay to talk about and what isn’t
why you’d ever wanna waste the time with me
what is it that makes you wait or stick around?
come to shore,
it’s almost like there’s something else keeping you down.
yet im the one with an anchor tattoo
And a billion more problems
more complex than you
Anytime I get writers block
I imagine holding you to my chest
words no longer elude me
And they flow to the tips of my fingers.
The thought of you causes my body to stir
I want to light up a cigarette with you
And read out loud every single piece I wrote about you
In hopes to trade nicotine filled kisses.
So I sit here
thinking of a poem to write
trying to find a profound message to speak on
I have an idea but I don’t think any amount of words of the english dictionary could wrap them up eloquently enough to provide you an image of the events that took place yesterday.
There’s no possible way
to describe her face
her skin was olive, smooth, inviting to the touch, and very expressive. she squinted often, and when she smiled, you could see every movement of it, the way her eyes would light up and the smile would begin in the corners of her mouth, frame by frame you could see it until next thing you know she was smiling.
dark freckles spread out under her glossy eyes that were shielded by long, thick, obsidian lashes.
See that was not even close to the beginning and you wouldn’t have the image I have in my head.
Nothing I write could ever do her justice.
I knew this the moment I saw her.
So perhaps I’m not the writer I say I am.
Because the moment I saw her, my first reaction was involuntary; a huge intake of breath. Then a smile that didn’t fade.
And I kept my eyes on her as much as I could without being too awkward, knowing that what I saw was going to be unintelligible to anyone else.
I want to connect her brain with mine so she could see what I saw, feel the feelings I felt
she wouldn’t have looked away from me.
Her eyes would have followed mine
She would have looked at me with the same awe, happiness and admiration that filled my eyes and lead to me never wanting to look away.
I have fucking butterflies. I’m anxious. Just the thought of seeing you makes me fidgety.
I fall back onto our lengthy phone conversations and how much we have in common, how much we are okay with our differences, how much we have a general connection and understanding in certain aspects of each other and I fucking freak out mentally.
How could I let myself have a crush on someone who I’ve just begun to get to know in the last couple of months. How could I have so easily opened up and allowed myself to feel this way over someone I barely know.
I tell myself to slow the fuck down. I tell myself it won’t work because our friendships progress has completely slowed down since last month. I tell myself that that was the best it will get, this won’t go anywhere and i need to stop it if it does.
But then I also think… How could there have been someone out there who seems to know exactly how i feel, feel/have felt the same things and has a personality that not only matches mine but is EXACTLY what I’ve been looking for?
Do i try to seize this? Do I declare feelings and begin a chase? Or do i just let this be, be satisfied knowing that there is indeed a person out there who could be great for me; that knowledge giving me hope.
Because you have given me hope. And hope is something i ran out of long ago. And im not sure what to do with this hope. Especially when this could turn into a success story.
Of course, i have no idea how you feel. At all.
And without knowing how you feel, i can’t make a move. Because i am far too caring to do something that would make anyone uncomfortable. Your feelings are considered to the fullest. So I hold back. And I wait.
And I hold on tightly to that hope. I relish in the feeling. Because hope is something I had forgotten the feeling of.